#Neymusico is here. We’ve all been waiting for Neymar’s musical debut with bated breath since he announced it on Monday. Yeah, it was cool that he and his little Barcelona buddies skated up and down Celtic’s back with complete and utter disregard for human life yesterday, but Neymar told us we were getting new music on Wednesday.
Today is Wednesday, and Neymar’s single is here.
And y’all, it’s just as bad as I hoped.
Neymar opens the video by saying he’s here to give us some first-hand news: he’s recording his first album.
He’s going to give us a teaser.
LIGHT THE FIREWORKS. YES, THE ONES I BOUGHT SPECIFICALLY FOR THIS ANNOUNCEMENT, LIGHT ‘EM.
And then Neymar begins to sing.
Neymar croons: “Para jugar la pelota, yo necesito ousadia alegria, estar com los parças. E tois.” Roughly translated, “to play (soccer), all I need is audacity, happiness and to be with my friends, That’s all.”
The lyrics are fun, if wildly simplistic. But many of the best songs are.
BUT HIS VOICE. So gloriously bad. It’s everything I hoped for. He sounds like a beginner violinist playing loudly to drown out a cat giving birth. His voice is similar in timbre to a wandering albatross in distress. It’s tough to tell whose voice is worse, his or a wounded sea lion. He sounds like a 7-1 loss to Germany.
I’ll give him credit on piano: he at least plunked out a few decent chords, and generally steered clear of large screw-ups. But his voice. Oh, man, his voice.
But the voice makes it all. Even his buddy, guitarist Gil, who’s there to “listen and to analyze” the new tune, can’t keep a straight face.
Clearly, Neymar’s doing this all in good fun, and he’s in on the joke.
But this joke is the BEST joke.